in the past year, i experienced one of the most profound pains of my life; through it, i came away with many gems. i've been grateful for one in particular lately:
a newfound ability to truly receive, love, and accept people as they are.
i find myself disappointed less, and when disappointment does creep up, i'm much better equipped to reframe;
what is actuality? what are my projections, my expectations, my ego? who would i be without these expectations — who would we be?
i've been especially in awe of my ability to let go without apathy, disdain, or spite — or at least much less of it; a subconscious shift that recognizes the subtle difference between releasing and detaching.
to let go yet still sustain connection, care.
related and bizarre is a willing acknowledgment and acceptance that anyone and everyone has the capacity to surprise me, let me down, stray from course, and to deeply hurt me — i don't hope for it but i yield to a certain inevitability now; it's just not personal anymore.
at one point, i would have considered accepting this reality lonely; instead, i find an odd comfort in knowing that i can no longer be side-swept by a hopeful ignorance that my loved ones won't one day go out and be extra human. lifting the veil has also empowered me to renew my commitment to myself as my own greatest ally; now that i know that for real for real 'all i have is me,' i find solace in also happening to be the one thing that i do have control over.
though i've only just begun to cultivate and strengthen these shifts, i'm already moved by the felt peace, openness, warmth, and lightness they've inspired in myself and those around me; in many ways, i feel new — and so do my relationships and my life.