you are allowed to slow down. if you find it hard to give yourself an empty minute for your mind to rest— hi, welcome to my life of late.
it’s been going on for months, if not the last couple years to a notably intense degree. i’ve known for equally long that a lot of it is because i’m afraid to face myself; the unresolved things going on deeper within me that with even minimal examination, would tell me that it’s time to break and transform a lot of long held habits, beliefs, and paradigms for myself. i haven’t felt ready and so i’ve allowed myself grace.
but there comes a time that the ‘giving yourself grace and space’ thing endures on a bit too long and becomes an avoidant, self-defeating story you’ve begun to tell yourself. you are playing yourself. how you not gonna be who you’re meant to be? who— under all that bullshit conditioning— is what you really are and always were? quit it, seher.
this “go go go” that doesn’t allow you the spaciousness of a single minute, actually comprises a lot of going nowhere; furiously searching the internet, your instagram feed, the analytical labyrinths of your mind, the drama inside of a netflix binge for hours and hours and hours and hours— because maybe there’s an answer to what you’re searching for there.
anywhere but the quiet space inside my body and intuition. because it knows the actual truth. and we don’t want that. that’s work.
so we feast on what’s unreal and then blame our empty stomachs on air.
the illusion of the possibility that we might have actually been able to hold it was so comforting that we welcome excitedly, again and again, the delusion of a productive time pass.
as i continue to stumble over myself a la the monopoly that the everything of nothingness has on my time, i savor that accidental minute when i’m given some pause. that space of time where i’m actually able to feel myself here.
in that sliver is a boundless well of joy, gratitude, and miraculous possibility.
may we all find the sweet quiet moments in ourselves and in our lives more often.
<3