there was a time when it was quite common for phrases or insights to pop into my head without fully knowing what they meant— some form of channeling, one might say. the first time this poem/quote entered my mind and probably when i shared it, i had a certain fleeting felt sense of what it meant but it still wasn’t something i could firmly grasp.
i went on a qigong retreat near vancouver a few years ago, and the women who i was paired to carpool with said she’d browsed my site and really liked my poetry; she referenced a couple favorites and this was one of them. i remember feeling a little uneasy because i didn’t know how i felt about this poem at that point— in fact, i’d forgotten the subtle body knowing of whatever its meaning was and just had no idea what it meant or why i wrote it. i awkwardly thanked her, feeling hella embarrassed and like a fraud inside.
and then i carried on with my life because whatever. eventually, i remembered that the things that come through me are sometimes not fully baked in my intellect because: 1) they don’t have to be and just because my mind doesn’t hold a given wisdom doesn’t mean it’s not integrated somewhere else in my being 2) they present an opportunity for me to grow into a given learning 3) they might not be for me and instead for someone else.
anyhoo, somewhere along the way this year, the meaning for this poem clicked back into place in my body somewhere. and it also happens to be that i currently once again need this wisdom in my life. it is this:
when we perceive ourselves to be free falling or failing, it is in fact grace that the universe has offered our unknowing selves. in the fall is the opportunity to learn, to reset, to change perspectives, to let go, to start anew; at the same time that you are falling, you are being held. the falling, thus, is inherently in itself a holding. it is a passage through which you are being carried. regardless of how bumpy, haphazard, or non-linear this space is— it has a design and a meaning that is just for you.
may we all recognize oneness when we dissolve duality.