negotiating for entrepreneurs

asking is the first rule of negotiation: women, femmes, creatives, and people of color need to do it better.

NOTE: this post is directly pulled from my 7/1/21 email newsletter without edits. if you would like to receive my weekly note in your inbox along with additional sections and features not included here, you can join my email community.

a couple weeks ago, i spoke on holisticism’s money & spirituality panel for their summer solstice festival. while i don’t have the most to say about the relationship between money and spirituality, i can sometimes have a lot to say about the variety of ways that creatives, women, and femmes— particularly those of color— grossly undervalue themselves. and that hits me on a spiritual level.

as a creative who is fortunate enough to have some solid business skills, witnessing how we often play ourselves and get played at work tends to bring up a lot for me. so let’s go ahead and get this part clear up front: unabashedly claiming your space and worth in this world, including at work, is actually spiritual as hell. and that’s what we’re touching on today— specifically from the perspectives of negotiation and monies.

i shared on the panel that while accessible pricing is one important mindful money consideration, so is making sure that overall you’re getting paid well for the value you offer— and not underestimating what that might be worth in dollars. if you don’t assert your worth, no one else will do it for you. as i first learned in business school and later confirmed as an entrepreneur who hires other creatives, women and femmes often settle for way too less, way too often. add to that if you’re a person of color? that “play small” program, which itself is a machination of systemic oppression, is a tough ride.

but we're not going to hold onto that shit. we are throwing that shit in the trash and taking back our agency wherever we can, the best we can. please and thank you.

after observing how my college negotiations class interacted with each other, i developed a hunch that women negotiated differently than men and decided to write my class paper on the topic. come to find out, there was a whole ass book about it called women don’t ask. the essential premise is that women are generally conditioned to be agreeable, deferential, polite, unburdensome, etc— and for that reason, women often don’t even think to ask for what they want.

the first rule of negotiation? ask. if you don’t ask, you can almost count on not receiving what you’re looking for. the bigger find: you’d be surprised how often simply asking results in you getting what you want— or at least something close to it. though the book is fairly redundant, i recommend the read if you feel like you need a pep talk to build up your courage to ask for what you want and need in any area of life. and with that, here’s a personal anecdote to inspire you to ask for what you deserve more often:

a couple years ago, i was asked by a women’s community space to host a 5-6 hour event meant to celebrate the season premiere of a major network tv show. i was also to devise and lead a mini workshop and introduce a big name keynote speaker for the event. there would be food and drinks and sound baths, too— the works. they offered me $500.

understanding the scope of the event, that there was a major brand partner and speaker involved, and various frills to make the event fancy, i knew there had to be more money involved. given that they reached out to me last minute, i knew there was a possibility they had potentially tried to go for a more well known host than me and ran out of budget to afford them. i also knew they probably thought that the average person would be thrilled at the opportunity alone and that the $500 would just feel like icing on the cake. 

even though i hadn’t done a gig quite like this before, i knew i’d do it well and used my general sense of hourly rates across industry to come up with a figure. an aside: as someone who works across functions and industries, i’ve found that to a certain degree, any kind of high quality skilled work when you’re a contractor or solopreneur can be roughly distilled to a broad median hourly rate; offhand, i’d put that range at $200-1000/hr. you can also use these figures as a consideration when calculating a flat rate or any kind of rate. so, straight-faced, i sent them an email countering with $3000. they came back and offered me $2500— five times the initial rate.

though such a stark jump in rate is rare for me, this was not the first or last time i received a multiple of what i’d initially been offered after simply asking. i’m talking 2x and 3x. on the smaller but still very significant side, after politely countering with a higher fee range, i recently received about 40% above the initial client offer for a project i’m currently amidst. and for y’all in college, i took an initial $15/hr offer for a summer internship and made it a $30/hr offer after demonstrating my case for why i thought my credentials and experience warranted a higher rate. in the end, undergrad me ended up beating out MBA students from prestigious institutions for the gig, too.

it’s important to note that sometimes our ask needs to come with some client education; for example, a thoughtful explanation of everything you’re offering and pulling back the curtain on all that goes into your work can often be helpful. but for that hosting gig i shared about, i didn’t need to explain— the client probably knew they were being cheap and they also knew i’d been a great facilitator for other events in their space.

the morals of this story:

  • trust that many clients and employers will try to play you on rates and wages because they’ve gotten away with it many times over with other folks who didn’t know what they can and should be paid.

  • if you’re a person of a marginalized identity of any sort, it’s often likely that at least some sort of implicit bias is going to come into play with what kind of offer you get. the same applies if you’re working with private clients who may also be subconsciously primed to believe your work is worth less (even if the conscious part of them totally doesn’t believe that!). i say: let’s un-prime ‘em and recondition folks who have the means to, to pay us better.

  • allow yourself to imagine something bigger and/or better for yourself, even if it feels foreign or awkward. step outside of yourself and play a role if you need to. pretend your work and the value it offers were ascribed to a friend; witness the exquisite magic of that work and really meditate on the time, effort, and wisdom that was required to bring that work forth. how much could or should that friend (that is you!) charge?

  • don’t believe whack ass quotes as a reflection of what your work is worth; *you* know the real answer here. even though it can sometimes take time to get paid what you believe you deserve, don’t let anyone decide that amount for you.

  • don’t be afraid to ask! don’t be afraid to be brazen! particularly when you feel you have a well reasoned rationale and when that big ass number feels right to your spirit and settles nicely in your gut.

i hope you’ve found some medicine here. <3