insomnia.

i began having pretty intense insomnia starting when i moved to nyc 9 years ago. it goes it waves. sometimes i go through bouts of going to sleep at 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 in the morning. such has been the case for me for most of the quarantine.

in passing on social media, i’ve read about others experiencing major insomnia and essentially a nocturnal schedule. i want to say that i came across a pull quote or headline where a specialist was talking about how the insomnia is due to our subconscious stress or something of the like. makes sense to me. i’m sure life routine and structure being blown up also has something to do with it.

someone dm’ed me the other day saying they didn’t know why but felt like they had to tell me their insomnia story. intuition on point! there also appeared to be a bit of self-judgment in this admission. so i want to offer this post for two reasons: 1) to tell you there is no shame in your biological responses to a unique global crisis that no one currently alive has ever experienced, and 2) to share possible solves for insomnia and more restful sleep.

i share these remedies with you in full admission that i have not found the will or discipline within me to exercise them most of the time. when i try them, they sometimes work, they sometimes don’t— some work better than others for me. i haven’t tried them all. in such a case, different strokes for different folks— one size does not fit all.

this is info that i have amassed from various reading, listening to talks/podcasts, plus my own experience and intuition. hope to learn more in time. arianna huffington is a sleep hygiene evangelist as is her thrive global platform— she’s served as a source for some important bits below. in the interest of space and time, i am not going to offer a ton of detail or really explain why and how all these things work— you can research that on your own if you want.

here we go, in no particular order. the first two are the most annoying but also very powerful. please do comment with your own insomnia + sleep tips and wisdom <3

• make yourself get into bed— without your electronics— even if you aren’t tired

• try to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day

• no electronics 30-120 min before bed (ideally at least 60 min)

• do a wind-down activity— something relaxing and analog 30-120 min before bed; can even do certain things while already in bed (meditation, reading, qigong, journaling, doodling/drawing)

  • if you opt for reading before bed, ideally choose something that’s an easy read and less cerebral

• take a hot bath 15-60 min before bed (you can also add a little tiny bit of a relaxing essential oil like lavender)

• drink hot tea 15-60 min before bed, especially a relaxing/calming tea like chamomile or kava

• take some cbd oil 15-30 min before bed

• take a melatonin supplement at the recommended time before bed

• diffuse a relaxing essential oil like lavender 30-120 min before bed and during sleep

• listen to binaural beats or isochronic tones with low theta or any delta frequencies 15-30 minutes before bed (can combine this with a wind-down activity if it feels right for you)

• play white noise sounds once you get into bed (perhaps even 15 minutes before you intend to sleep; while doing your wind-down activities or listening to the white noise as a wind-down activity itself)

• change into sleeping clothes that are only for sleep and nothing else

• create a bedtime routine or ritual

• keep your phone out of your bedroom and use an analog alarm clock

• don’t spend the day in bed, work/live in another room during the day

• workout (day or night, depending on whether working out energizes you or tires you out)

• when you do wake up, especially when you wake up earlier, try to stand outside for 10-20 minutes to get sun— this can help reset your circadian rhythms

big love. wishing for us all to find our peace and sweet, nourishing sleep. <3

hello, shadow.

i’ve been hearing the word “negative” a lot in the wellness space recently; negative feelings, negative energy, negative people, negative habits, etcetera.

to call something negative is to negate it— to remove credence and worthiness from it. it is a dangerous judgment that we  casually make on all sorts of things, people, and situations on a daily basis.

as you may have read on a recent post about  permission and empowerment, i believe our words impact our subconscious and well-being more than we realize.

what actually happens when label our feelings, for example, as “negative?” well, our subconscious becomes conditioned to believe that these particular feelings suck. and then we may be led to believe that we suck, or are weak, or are failures. it doesn’t matter if these beliefs reach our conscious minds or not— our subconscious, the chief control center that pulls our lil human puppet strings, will be operating on these beliefs.

okay, so let’s say a person’s subconscious has decided they are whack as hell because they have challenging feelings they’ve judged as “negative” (and then probably suppressed or brushed aside). let’s say that this person’s conscious mind believes that they mostly like themselves. let’s posit this person also happens to be simultaneously living their best life on the outside— because that high-functioning “fight” of fight-flight-freeze fame is some real ass shit when your subconscious is trying to overcome your conditioning by giving you the illusion of safety...

what can happen from here is that the suppressed emotions and unchecked self-judgments can turn into mental or physical illness. they can also turn into chronic, seemingly random “the world is against me” life patterns— in relationships, career, whatever. these are classic examples of stagnant or blocked energy/qi/life force being expressed via the body-mind connection.

that’s poo, you guys! you know what’s more fun? deciding that our “negative” emotions are not fucking negative. they just *are*— they simply exist. what our challenging or lower-vibrational emotions actually are are *information.* they’re a little autonomic flag or response that goes off to tell us that there’s something to look at— that something within us is out of alignment. both internal and external stimuli, as we know, can trigger these flags.

when we allow our understanding of challenging emotions to be that simple, we take the charge and judgment and feelings of failure and overwhelm off of them. doesn’t “challenging” sound more accurate in this context? what we’ve historically called “negative” emotions are actually emotions that are challenging us to stop and pay attention to what is challenging us deeper within.

this is shadow work. there is a reason why i made the background of this graphic a bright, optimistic yellow. because shadow work— going deep inside our “dark,” hidden places— can be *simultaneously* nerve-wracking, scary, exciting, life-giving, confusing, nourishing, illuminating, intimidating, empowering, and even joyous. the binary of this experience itself is the heart of shadow work: the recognition and compassionate acceptance of the inherent duality of the earth plane and the human experience. we can hold seemingly opposing forces at once— and when we do, we can let out a deep sigh of relief. we are still here, we are still whole.

as someone who devoted about half a year in 2016 to go deep into my shadow— i kind of made healing my job— i can tell you that it is profoundly liberating, comforting, and transformational. funny, because it was only when some people close to me judged me (out of concern and a desire to help) for being “too deep in it” that i felt devastated and started spiraling; i was the greatest mess for those two weeks that i chose to accept their assessment that i was wallowing and attached to my pain.

and this is what causes most of us further pain when addressing pain— the judgment of the pain itself and the shame that we are feeling it. this response creates contraction, which in addition to amplifying the pain, restricts the healing process. healing requires the opposite of contraction: expansion.

once i decided that i no longer believed their judgment, i immediately came back into my power; i allowed myself to embrace my deep *knowing* that i was in fact sitting squarely inside my pain so i could offer it recognition, honor, love, compassion, and space to fully express itself— and in so doing, i was alchemizing this energy, freeing it from contraction back to its natural and neutral state of “is-ness” (the natural state of all beings).

now coming back full circle to applied practice per the language piece;  particularly when speaking about personal and interpersonal development work, i do my best to avoid “negative” as a term. instead i try to use phrases like the following:

• lower-vibrational energy
• challenging emotions
• non-resonant people
• limiting beliefs

even though these aren’t perfect themselves (because labeling is a function of separation and supports the illusion of 3d duality— all is ultimately neutral and oneness), i believe they have a much lower charge than “negative.” really, you can use any of the above prefixes interchangeably for a variety of uses.

less limiting language and harsh self-judgments, more loving, accepting, and seeing the whole as all parts worthy! there are no mistakes, all is by design. <3