learn to become a self-starter with your self-inquiry

an explanation is
not always a service;
some things
are best discovered inwardly.

inner work, deeper work, honest work, more rigorous work. based on our consumption habits and devolved attention spans, sometimes receiving highly abbreviated educational tidbits can in fact be a disservice to our actual development.

caught in the flurry of our manic scrolling and app-ing, our illusion of education exists in transience; we often take things in intellectually and then file them away somewhere to essentially be forgotten— failing to deepen our awareness and understanding, failing to put anything into actual practice.

this is one of the reasons that with my typical poem/quote thingies on instagram, i originally did not put captions and have slowed down on doing that again.

there is immeasurable value in rigorously engaging self-inquiry on your own; learning to develop your own discernment about when to self-trigger a self-inquiry is straight-up invaluable. in order to be productive agents of change, within and without, we must learn to self-inquire without prompting, directing, or instruction.

yeah, it’s a tall order and everybody won’t get there. but for those who would like to meet me in community, self-inquiry and self-accountability is what imma be dishing. that’s what i am calling in for you— for us.

for me— know that helping you connect more deeply with your own self-inquiry journey + your truth, and bringing our individual reflections into community dialogue (to help better understand and serve our collective), is becoming revealed to me as part of my purpose.

this is the deepest work: awareness work. tuning yourself to know what kind of questions to ask and knowing when to seek out more robust sources (beyond social media) when you need to better understand something (intellectually, energetically, physically, emotionally, or otherwise).

thinking that following mad accounts on instagram and watching all my ig stories all day is good enough for your knowledge intake and reflection is a gross miscalculation.

it is essential to prioritize your personal journey towards a certain sovereign wisdom. without really really learning to tap into, flex, and strengthen our inner inquiry muscle, we can never truly understand or shift anything; we’re just always looking outside, following like robots— turning one machine into another. note: machine = the system.

step into your wisdom, step into your power. from here, you may seek out the wisdom of others with a greater and more meaningful intention. let’s do work, bb’s.

taking credit for our gifts

my virtues
are not merits
i have personally derived;
they are gifts.

people have often told me how they admire how self aware i am and how committed i am to “doing the work.” sometimes as they marvel in awe. there was a time where i pridefully took all credit for this. but as i evolved in my overall awareness, i realized that self awareness and doing the work are largely not a choice for me— it is how i am wired. these are tools and gifts that i have been given.

it dawned on me that the way “ignorance is bliss” for some, ignorance usually results in sheer torture for me; my hyper self awareness persists through all seasons, regardless of what my ego wants. being aware and tuned to the vibration of truth— often painfully so— is my default.

and so, my self-work is often the result of my desperate attempt to resolve some ever present suffering i’ve been unable to silence and suppress. and even when i do succeed at some version of suppression, the truth remains in the back of my mind along with deep unhappiness.

simultaneously, i recognize that i get to take credit for rising to the challenge and making the decision to do the work. because even despite my nature, i can still decide to opt out; there is plenty of work i trade for the familiar comfort of my suffering; these are my edges, i’m working on them— also often by eventual force and compulsion.

the universe ultimately always kicks my ass out of my limiting habituation— just as it is in this new decade. much death is happening to make way for a rebirth i’ve been hiding from for the last few years.

all this to say: often what we pridefully claim as our self-derived virtues are actually gifts. these gifts are here to help us realize our full potential so we can be of service. not so we can be delusional, self-important, holier than thou assholes. i ain’t special. i just got some tools (that i have a complicated relationship with) for the purpose of my soul mission, which, by the way, isn’t even about me— it’s about us.

when the shine is triggering

it's not always because of a judgment against you;

sometimes they are triggered by your light.

sometimes we think we know why we’re mad but we’re just... hella wrong.

sometimes we can’t help but assess people through the lens of our pain and feelings of inadequacy.

so sometimes when a glimmer feels hard to come by, we end up feeling hurt when we see someone else shining. this often subconscious trigger might come with a whole slew of very convincing stories and judgments we then make up about that person.

if this is you, keep perspective and take some space. allow others their right to be well while also being super gentle and honest with yourself. this actually isn’t about them at all. you know this. excavate. what’s missing for you? what do you actually need? give that to yourself. remember that this trigger is wholly about your relationship with you.

and if you’re the one in your light with folks acting funny around you: be compassionate with both yourself and others. while it might seem like these people are judging you, they are most likely only judging themselves (whether or not they realize it). examine if your own triggers are showing up here as well— perhaps around needs for approval and belonging. if you felt impacted in any way, also inquire about how that connects with where you’re at with boundaries— physically, emotionally, energetically.

big hugs. we all deserve our own light. sometimes reconnecting with it is a thing. sometimes keeping it is a thing. that’s okay. it’s okay. all our experiences are okay.